Gaara The Druggie
by Yuniz
Summary: Gaara gets hooked on LSD, and it is Temari's and Kankuro's job to get their brother unaddicted. Crack...literally.


AN: When I wrote this I was learning about addiction & psychology in school...& I decided to put one of the most somber and serious characters in Naruto in a situation where he is totally OOC...but of course there is a reason behind it. Anyways, read.

---

Gaara groaned, setting down his pen. His Kazekage duties had been wearing him down, both physically and mentally.

He blinked upon seeing a tall Naruto dressed in tight black leather. What was the meaning of this? Blinking again, Gaara did not see Naruto again. It had just been a trick of his mind.

A very perverted trick of his mind, that is.

Still, Gaara knew he needed rest. Ever since Shukaku had been extracted from him, he could enjoy the warmth and comfort of a bed. So, he went up to his bedroom, turned off the lights, and snuggled under the covers.

He could not sleep, though. Images of Kankuro coming at him with green face paint, Temari holding bloody male parts, and the Naruto in leather were all floating through his mind, haunting him.

"Gah!" Gaara shot straight up, panting. He checked the time and sighed. It appeared as if his old insomnia had come back. He flopped back down and desperately tried to go back to sleep.

---

Temari was standing at the stove, frying eggs. Kankuro lazily sipped his coffee and perused through the newspaper. He sighed, shook his head, and looked over at his sister. "There's apparently some crack addict here in Suna that's selling drugs to random people on the street,"

"Very nice, Kankuro," Temari absentmindedly said, flipping the eggs.

Gaara came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and almost crashing into the refridgerator. The loud noise startled both Temari and Kankuro, and they both curiously watched Gaara clumsily make his way to a chair. The Kazekage grabbed the salt shaker and dumped it's contents down his throat, then made horrific gagging noises and spat out the seasoning, grimacing at the aftertaste that remained in his mouth.

"You seem a bit off today," Temari commented, placing a plate of eggs in front of him.

Gaara gave her THE LOOK. "I couldn't sleep all night," Kankuro and Temari noted that his black eye rings were darker than ever.

As the Kazekage dug into his breakfast, he began to see more strange things. First, he saw his eggs take on the form of a bunny, then a dragon, then a pineapple. Blinking, he looked up from his eggs, only to see Temari with green hair and Kankuro with six arms.

"KANKURO!!" he screamed, jumping out of his chair and pointing a finger at his startled brother in a very un-Gaara-like manner.

The puppeteer looked oddly at his brother. "What?"

Gaara watched, horrified. His brother had slowly morphed into a throbbing mass of neon blue slime, pulsating as the purple rubbery lips spoke.

"What's wrong?" Kankuro repeated, his voice taking on a note of concern.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" A terrified Gaara ran out of the kitchen, screaming bloody murder.

Temari and Kankuro looked at each other, worried about their brother.

---

"You're lucky I'm in Suna today,"

Sakura stepped back from a table where Gaara lay sleeping. She looked Temari and Kankuro in the eye. "Gaara is currently suffering from extreme insomnia. He's probably been seeing things that actually aren't there. He might have gone insane if you hadn't taken action," She handed a bottle of pills to Temari. "These are sleeping pills. One every night should do it,"

Temari skeptically examined the bottle. "Gaara doesn't do well with drugs,"

"Yeah," Kankuro backed his sister up. "Once, we gave him a cough drop, and he nearly tore apart the entire house,"

Sakura sighed. "Either it's this or he stays up late at night and turns insane from sleep deprivation,"

The older Sand Siblings exchanged glances. Would it be better to have a crazy, sleeping Gaara or a crazy, homocidal, mentally unstable, very conscious Gaara? Their joint decision did not take long.

"We'll give him the pills," Temari said.

Gaara stirred on the table.

---

The Sand Siblings headed to the market to pick up some necessities before going home.

"Let's go to the beauty and makeup section! I need more hair ties," Temari squealed.

"And I need more face paint," Kankuro excitedly said.

They left Gaara, leaving him to wonder if eyeliner would do his complexion good. But, that transient thought soon departed, and he wandered off to the weapons section of the market.

As he was strolling aling the path, a shadowed figure dressed in brown cloaks beckoned from an alley. "Over here," It whispered in a raspy voice.

Gaara looked around uncertainly, then at the crooked finger. This seemed rather fishy.

"I can make you happy again,"

That sealed the deal. Gaara fairly skipped for joy over to the cloaked figure.

A bony hand reached out and took the orange bottle that Gaara held. Hidden eyes examined it's label. "Sleeping pills? Why do you want to sleep when there is so much the world can offer you?"

"I've been having really bad insomnia sately," Gaara said. "My sister said these pills would be good for me,"

There was a snicker. "Your sister?"

Gaara wanted to back out, but it seemed too late for that, so he continued talking. "Well, I've been seeing really weird things lately, and the medic-nin said it's because of my insomnia,"

"Weird things," The cloaked figure shuffled a bit. " I can make you see pretty colors and nice pictures. Your life will be wonderful...an absolute joy. And all I want in return are these sleeping pills,"

Gaara scratched his head nervously. Should he take the offer or not?

"GHAAAAAARRRRRAAAAAAAHH!!" THe cry of Kankuro rang through the entire marketplace.

Now was the moment to make a decision. There was not a second to waste. So, Gaara handed his bottle to the stranger.

"A wise choice," A paper sack was pressed into his hand. "Enjoy,"

Gaara stumbled out of the alley in a daze. He looked down at the paper sack and hefted it. He didn't know exactly what had just happened, but he hoped that the consequences of his actions would not be bad.

"Gaara!" Temari ran to him, a worried look on her face. "Why'd you run off?"

Gaara shrugged, not bothering to mention that she and Kankuro were the ones who had left him to go to that beauty section.

Kankuro sighed. He set down the bucket of face paint he was holding to wipe his forehead. "Let's go home, I wanna test out this stuff,"

So they left for home.

---

Now in his bedroom, Gaara was examining the contents of the paper sack.

"Hm," He grunted, reading the label. "LSD," Even with his extraordinary intelligence and oh so smashing good looks, he had no idea in the world what LSD was.

Gaara peered into the bag. He sniffed. Suddenly, a strange sensation came over him.

He blinked.

"Whoa," He slowly said, taking in his new surroundings. The drab clay walls had changed to fluorescent pink, green, and yellow. The colors were arranged in a psychedelic flower design, spinning around and hypnotizing Gaara with their beauty.

It suddenly occurred to him that he felt something odd on his face. So, he reached up and groped around, quickly finding a pair of pink sunglasses perched on his nose. Taking them off and examining them, he shrugged and put them back on. Gaara felt his head some more and realized that his hair was now styled in a poofy afro. He looked down at himself and noted his bright polyester jumpsuit.

"This is trippin'," Gaara muttered in a manner very unsimilar to his normal aloof self. He stumbled out of his room and bumbled through the hallway, crashing through a random door and falling into a random room.

Unfortunately, that room happened to be the bathroom.

"GAARA!" Temaru looked out angrily from behind the shower curtain. "GET OUT!"

Gaara could only stare. The tiny bathroom, ridden with dirty toothbrushes and hair clogged razors, had morphed into a utopia. Golden walls surrounded the massive tub in the center, and faucets that protruded from the walls gushed iridescent bubbles. There was the delicate scent of flowers wafting through the air. Gaara sneezed.

The tub in the center was blocked by a somewhat sheer curtain. In this way, Gaara could see Temari's sillouette...and another unfamiliar body by her.

"Who's with you?" He slurred, laughing quietly.

Temari's jaw dropped in shock. "How - what - GET OUT!" She thew a bar of soap at Gaara, but missed.

Taking one last look at the cupids playing small harps, Gaara made his exit.

Back in reality, Temari sighed. Gaara's insomnia was even worse than she could have ever guessed.

A curious Shikamaru poked his own head out from behind the curtain. "What happened?" He asked, looking at the closed door.

"Nothing. Let's get back to it," The ninjas disappeared back behind the curtain.

---

Gaara pranced down the stairs, singing old disco songs. He skipped gaily into the living room, where Kankuro was watching a grainy TV program.

"Oh, brother," He sang, throwing an arm around Kankuro, "Shall we dance through the fields and author poetry dedicated to our loved ones? Shall we? I do so feel the mood,"

Kankuro's eyes were darting from the TV set to Gaara. His lips quivered.

"Gaara," He finally said, "What the hell are you talking about?"

The Kazekage's mouth fell slightly open. "I see that you do not share the same feelings as myself. In that case, come with me! Let us romp through meadows and ride the rainbows like madmen, drunk on the liquor of life. We shall will the day away with the mere weapon of joy," Peals of laughter erupted from his lips.

Naturally, Kankuro was shocked. His brother was in horrible condition, and might very well be sent to an asylum. However, the crackle of the television's static brought the puppeteer back to reality, and he turned back to watch TV.

Gaara continued smiling, but began to frown upon seeing that his brother's attention was no longer focused on him. "Bah, television! That poop will make you stupid in a week. Come with me, out to the yonder field, and we shall play with each other!"

Kankuro giggled.

"What?" Gaara said skeptically. "Are you ridiculing me! How dare you take advantage of my weaknesses!"

"It's nothing," Kankuro smiled widely. "I just wanna watch TV,"

Gaara pouted. His gaze slowly travelled to the static TV screen. "What are you watching?"

Kankuro did not answer, instead choosing to continue to stare straight ahead.

"Well," Gaara began, squinting to see what Kankuro was so interested in. "Be that way," They watched for a few minutes, silent.

"Ain't it great?" Kankuro grinned.

Gaara slowly walked to an open couch seat and sat down. "Yeah," He murmured, all his grand speech gone from him.

Minutes passed. Then, hours. The two brothers continued to stay engrossed in the TV program.

Suddenly, there was a cracking sound from the TV.

Gaara's eyes widened. "Well..."

Then, there were some squelching noises and moans of pleasure. Kankuro continued to watch, smiling the whole time.

"This is...awesome," Gaara blinked. But, as soon as he said that, the static stopped and the image became clearer. The two people performing the act were...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!" Gaara screamed, jumping up and pointing at the TV screen. "Kankuro, the TV!"

"What about the damn TV?" Kankuro said irritably, not taking his attention away from the beloved object.

Gaara continued to watch, horrified. The ones on the TV were Kiba and Akamaru...and they were playing a love game.

"You're a bad dog," Kiba was saying, dressed in a tight leather outfit. "You need to be punished," He stroked his pet's fur with a dangerous delicacy. Akamaru whimpered as the whip was raised and...

"GAH!" Gaara screamed, paler than his normal pale self. "Kankuro, can't you see anything wrong with the TV?"

"No, I can't,"

The Kazekage could not bring himself to watch...and yet he did. For, at times like this, the decisions of man cannot be judged. The oddest things happen and there is simply no rhyme or reason to their actions. Garra just had to watch.

Plus, he had to admit the Kiba looked damn sexy in that leather.

So they watched television for a few more hours.

"Dinnertime!" cried Temari, setting down a bowl of food.

Kankuro and Gaara got up, somewhat dazed. They stumbled down to the kitchen, not seeing Temari's glare.

"Were you watching what I think you were?" She said angrily.

"Of course not!" Kankura grinned sheepishly. "Me and Gaara here have been watching a fine documentary about the history of shuriken, haven't we?" He nudged Gaara, who simply bounced back.

Temari raised an eyebrow. "For seven hours?"

"It was very in-depth," Kankura said nonchalantly. "And there were long commercial breaks,"

The female Sand Sibling sighed and shook her head. "Just sit down and eat. I wanna watch _All My Kyuubi_,"

Gaara screamed and fainted.

Kankuro looked innocently at Temari, shrugging.

So the three went over to the TV, carrying bowls of Temari's cooking.

"What do you call this?" Kankuro said angrily as they settled down on the couch. He poked at a strip of seaweed with his chopsticks. "I mean, look at it!"

"I don't see anything wrong with my cooking," Temari retorted. She turned to look at Gaara. "What about you? What do you think? Are you going to insult my food like a typical testosterone filled MALE?!?!"

Gaara stared dumbly at her, still in his state of hallucination. He tentatively poked at the rice in his bowl. The grains turned purple, flew onto the rim of the bowl, and began to dance.

"It's...good food," he managed, watching one of the clumsier ones stumble and fall to the floor, screaming the whole way.

Temari looked shocked. "Thanks," She reached for the remote and Kankuro blanched.

"I wonder if the Kyuubi will follow his lifelong dream of gaining all the ramen in the world," Temari mused, pressing a button on the remote.

"Excuse me," Kankuro quickly said, jumping up. "I've got diarrhea," He ran up the stairs like his life depended on it...which it probably did.

By now, the TV was on, and Temari was staring at the static, a vein becoming visible on her forehead. "What the-" She stood up angrily, knocking her bowl off her lap and onto the floor. "That bastard!" She ran up the stairs. Gaara could hear banging and screaming.

"KANKURO!!! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE SO I CAN KICK IT!!!" She was shrieking hysterically.

"If I come out, you'll kill me!" Kankuro said stubbornly.

"Don't be silly," Temari laughed. "Who else would clean the bathrooms?"

"Well...alright,"

Gaara winced as he heard Temari attacking Kankuro with all her heart and soul.

"TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!"

"I couldn't help myself..."

"Oh you couldn't help yourself!" mocked Temari. "Crazy bastard that you are, you didn't even think of changing the channel, did you, Kankuro??!?!"

Meanwhile, sitting there on the sofa, Gaara began to feel strange. The bright colors that used to be there were slowly fading away. His polyester jumpsuit was gone, and so were his poofy hair and sunglasses. Gaara also felt as if he wanted something really badly. He had an intense craving for that "LSD". He wanted it, he needed it, and he could get it by any means necessary.

The Kazekage got off the couch and headed up to his bedroom. Taking out the paper sack. he brought his nose to the opening, and the blissful feeling returned. He blinked and put the paper sack into his closet, where he was sure that no one could ever find it.

As Gaara was getting into bed, Temari came into his room. "Kankuro," she sighed, "Sometimes I don't know what I can do for him. He's a lost cause at this point," Her eyes sharply turned to Gaara. "Don't let him poison your mind!" She headed to his window and looked out at the many stars dotting the sky. "Did you take the pills yet?"

"Yes," Gaara lied, already in his state of hallucination. Through his eyes, Temari was dressed in a giant banana suit, and the floor of his bedroom was a fluffy white cloud.

"Alright," The banana suit turned and headed for the door. "Goodnight," The light went off.

Gaara closed his eyes and allowed the bliss-inducing drug to carry him off into dreamland.

---

AN: The next chapter will be up in one Latin. (aka: The next chapter will be up whenever I see fit to post it)


End file.
